I can see exactly where I want to be,

I just can’t see how I’m ever gonna get there.

I thought I liked proving. Maybe I still do. Just that I hate it when I have no idea how to do it despite having spent almost an hour and a half on it ): That’s exactly what I’m stuck at for our research report. I really regret taking up a math IRP now ): ): ):

Hi math geniuses, please help me figure this out:

Show that for (9n² + 9n + 6) to be divisible by 4, n = (4k + 1) or n = (4k + 2) for any k that is a positive integer.

I don’t think I will sleep until I figure this out D: Cos I hate to stop halfway at something I’m doing. Either that or we just leave that part out of our report okay? (:

I shall nap after school tomorrow. I will not fall asleep in class. It is bad to do so cos it is disrespectful. When I do it it’s cos I somehow just shut down and fall asleep without myself knowing. Really.

 

It’s not about being who everyone else wants you to be,

it’s about being yourself and finding someone who loves every bit of it.

CCA on friday was quite fun, I’ve almost picked up the basic strokes in table tennis, and my dad says he will play with me the weekend after cny! :D

I spent saturday at nuh in the morning, then in the afternoon spring cleaning with my parents while my sis did her work! She’s got so much work to do, I have no idea why. I don’t think I was that busy last year actually. Even now, I’m just spending quality time with my family during weekends and not doing any work at all :D It makes me happy though (: Evening, went to causeway point to eat at Ajisen without my sis cos she was too busy. But we bought her nice food! :D Then my whole family sat down together on the sofa and watched 就想赖着你! Haha I was quite surprised my dad would watch it!

Sunday, childlit. Bryan and Paul came. So there were four of us. Uhm and we didn’t go for the meeting cos we knew we would feel useless there. Ivan didn’t come, I think something happened recently so yeah, affected him quite alot. But hey if you see this, maybe you should come for childlit cos they i.e. Alison Bryan Paul (not me definitely! :D) are so crazy you’ll laugh nonstop and it’s really fun there. Makes you forget about everything else for a moment, let your hair down and just laugh along :D Attended mass with Alison and my family (:

Went to Orchard after that, I got myself a pair of slippers, I think I’m damn picky but nevermind :P We bought alot of things from Mark & Spencer’s too.

This week got bio math and chem quizzes ): ): I haven’t started studying for a single one yet. Ho Jerdine’s sick, get well soon! (: And hopefully our Haw Par Villa plan can go on this week! :D

 

http://www.rainymood.com Cool stuff. Play your music at the same time :D

“hais…”

“cheer up lah! :D somehow things will work out. just a matter of time, and hope that time is short for you! (:”

“no. ___ , you don’t understand.”

“haha okay true, but hope things take a turn for the better soon!”

“I know. but it seems impossible now. I feel lost and broken.”

“gather up all the broken pieces and glue them together then :D and nothing is impossible, really. god’s plan isnt for you to fail (:”

“that’s easy to say. but it is difficult to do it. I just wish that I could turn back time.”

“(helpless, don’t know how to cheer you up cos I have no idea how the pain feels like)”

 

The only reason I talk to myself is cos I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

I have a flight tomorrow afternoon, I want to leave school earlier. There will be two 173 people flying sortie one tomorrow haha. I’ll probably hear what I was like when I just started flying. I hope it rains tonight or tomorrow morning, just not during my flight cos I don’t like to waste time travelling for nothing.

Went to JE library after school with Jerdine today to return my books! Then we walked over to Popular and took the free shuttle service to IMM and came up with lots of ideas of what to do for the remaining months in hostel :D And we took 188 back to school, met Nelson at study room, and started completing our math exercises before playing fooseball then dinner. I need to like mental fly tonight if not tomorrow I’ll probably be damn lag behind the plane.

Hi persons, guess what, I really hate the way I’m looking at you right now. I hope I could change this, but sometimes I think I don’t really care cos I can still live on :D

 

Don’t hate me cos you ain’t me.

{edit}

It feels good to just talk to a friend you haven’t seen/talked to for months, even if it’s just chatting on msn catching up with each other’s lives in not too much detail. But it’s really nice that we can still talk without any hesitation like we used to, suanning each other, making sarcastic jokes, etc. :D I think I just needed a break from the everyday routine I’m so tired of already.

{/edit}

♥ If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

♥ Stealing is immoral right? But what if stealing was the only way to feed a starving child?

♥ If someone could tell you the exact day and time that you are going to die, would you want them to tell you?

♥ No matter how bad things get, are you aware that someone always has it worse than you do?

♥ If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

Physics pracs are fun! I like playing with the breadboard alot :D Today’s bio was a tutorial lesson. I actually quite liked it cos I think it’s more effective in getting the things into my head than the normal lessons. Like now I know more than what I thought I knew before the lesson started.

Went out for lunch, then completed chem assgmt and did one math question in the study room with Jerdine and Nelson. Fooseball till pe started. Dinner, then fooseball again. Need to do phys prac soon. And we need to finish SMPF also D:

 

Hate your guts, it irks me but I can’t stop you, can I.

 

I won’t try to pretend my faith hasn’t been tested,

I think sometimes I care too much for others I even try to ignore the fact that they are not the friend I think they should be. I really don’t understand what’s happening sometimes, but I don’t really care. Seriously, I’m just getting withdrawn into my own world with only those few people I think exist.

I need someone like that in my life. Preferably a stranger so I can talk about anything without any worry that he/she will make judgements on mutual issues and people.

I don’t like it when people draw on my notes/worksheets/whatever in pen without my approval ):

English portfolio is supposedly due this week and I haven’t even started cos I didn’t know until today D:

Chem assgmt got extended by one day but I’m almost done already! Math test on friday, I should start studying for it soon.

I need to go to the library tomorrow or wed to return my books cos they’re almost overdue.

I think my eyesight is getting worse. My eyes are getting tired more easily cos I think I keep straining them to see stuff and it’s worse when like words are getting blurrer to me.

 

Complete bollocks, but I’m clinging to it as a comforting thought.

Friday was a long day. Played table soccer with Jonathan Cheryl Elston Desmond after school all the way till medchem started :D And I’m getting lost in medchem already. Maybe I should have dropped it? But heck now can’t drop anymore so I shall go mug when there’s a need to.

CCA was slack. Cos the B and C divisions were training so we didn’t have to do anything. Jiayi Jerdine and me went to games room to try playing table tennis on the air hockey table, then we played fooseball with a ping pong ball. It feels weird cos the game becomes very gentle haha. Then we went around the school trying to find a place to play amd played until like 6pm.

I slept for 10hours last night :D It’s almost 1pm now and I’ve completed chem assgmt (left the last question which seems easier and I’m lazy to do right now). But I think my answers are quite crap I don’t really know what I’m writing. I also finished math assgmt! :D Now I shall like study for friday’s math test and later on study for tomorrow’s flight! Starting on circuits and will be doing that for the rest of this phase I think.

Going to my uncle’s house later!

I think I need to start doing work in hostel instead of leaving all my homework till the weekends and doing them so quickly at home. I’d rather just laze around at home.

 

You will be fine. Just you wait and see.

I’m starting to feel irritated over simple things. This is very bad.

Changed cca, tomorrow’s first cca session! I hope I don’t end too late, I miss home, like seriously alot alot. I shall complete chem assignment this weekend. Just now during study time, Jerdine Nelson Ryan and me went to the study room to attempt chem assignment but obviously less than half’s completed.

Went to NUS for some talk which I didn’t understand. Then came back to school and played fooseball before going for lunch at some place (I forgot the name) at wcp with Nelson Jerdine Tang Mariel. Maybe I’m too particular about what goes into my mouth nowadays. Came back and continued playing fooseball till dinnertime. We’re damn addicted, but it’s getting boring already. I can’t stand it when the ball moves too slowly.

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANG! :D Pass you your present tomorrow, it’s super cool :D

 

It’s kind of a terrible thing and a wonderful thing, at the same time.

If I were to categorise every single person I know under two groups, friends and non-friends, and no one can lie outside or between these two groups, I’m pretty certain less than ten people fall under friends.

Hello phase two! :D I’ll just work hard towards first solo, try to take off and land all on my own by then, and whether I get into/want to get into PPL or not, we’ll just see how it goes. Cos it’s still a long way to go, at least another two months at the rate I’m flying.

Today’s flight didn’t go too well actually. I totally strayed off the attitudes by alot. My S&L attitude was too low, my climbing attitude too high, and I can lose or gain like 200 or 300 feet in a medium-level turn omg I don’t know what happened, really. Tan SL even had to go through all the basics with me again before we continued with the exercises. And she gave me homework for my next flight. I have to draw out all the attitudes for all the turns/S&L/C&D in a single diagram! Guess it will be revision for me.

“You know what you want.” I didn’t, but I guess after alot of thinking, I realised what you meant, and what I wanted to work towards. Now I’ve got a heading in this point in time, and I will focus and work towards everything I want. Sometimes we need someone to remind us of the little things.

Going out on saturday to celebrate my uncle’s birthday! I hope he enjoys it cos it’s the first time we’re doing this for him. It’s like his birthday has long been forgotten by everyone. But this year we’ll make it special for him (:

Just ran abit less than four rounds + climbed the stairs from first storey to our room on the 12th storey :D

 

We are usually protecting the wrong things,

What do you do when so many other people are competing with you for one single thing?
Cos I just take it easy, do my best and let things flow. What’s mine will come to me. It’s just when and how I will get it. But why’s everyone rushing, trying to be ahead of one another? I feel like I no longer live in the same world as I did ten years ago :|

I want this! :D

Tang! We need to do english tonight ):

I’m beginning to lose focus in chemistry. I really really don’t enjoy organic chem. I screwed up math quiz too. I hope I get at least a 6 D: English was discussion and talking and using the computer and listening to people debate about gender discrimination.

I don’t like how’s everything like at the moment. There are so many things which are full of uncertainty. I don’t know this, I don’t know that. I constantly wonder how things will turn out, and what I will do if this or that happens. Argh it just doesn’t feel good.

Sortie8 on wednesday. Cross my fingers and pray! Actually I have no idea if I want to continue flying. I like it, but there’s no one else from our school anymore and time is really tight on my side. If I were given a choice, I might actually hesitate. I hope Tan SL just decides for me.

Congrats, sis! (:

 

Nothing lasts forever,

so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullshits, take chances, never have regrets because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted to do.

Friday

I don’t like writing essays. Especially when it’s formative and you’re not allowed to talk despite it being ungraded. It’s boring to keep quiet for 1.5hours. We had math, then medchem. So I didn’t drop medchem in the end. Nelson’s taking it too, but if next sem Jerdine decides to take it, we’ll take the module again with her :D

CCA was funny. Ms Lim’s the new cca teacher, though Mr Soh’s still here la. We’re supposed to pair up and present on a certain plane every week. But so many of the year 5s are already transferring out so I guess only the other years need to do that? Looked at the years 2s and 3s fly control-line. Looked fun, haven’t touched that for the whole of last year. Waited for my sis with Sharmila then we took the train home! And I slept early that night.

Saturday

My dad was busy washing the study room and balcony so I just helped out as and when I liked. I filed my notes. Then my dad and I spent the whole afternoon disassembling a printer haha. The printer’s super old, like an antique. It’s only compatible with Windows 98 lol. My dad used to use it to print huge A2 or A1 sized documents for his tool designing. Since it can’t be used now anymore, we decided to disassemble it and take out all the PCBs cos he wanted them. And I managed to get some gears and this button thing which feels like bubblewrap, just that you can press it over and over again :D

Went to my grandparents’ house at night. My other aunty was there with two of my cousins.

Sunday

Childlit! Bryan Ivan and Joan came today too. And there were lots of random groups of people coming to join us I have no idea who they are. The meeting room was damn crammed some of us had to sit on the floor. It was alot worse than last year when there were us sec 4 attachments. I actually feel quite useless in that room. I only like coming early to set up the place and then joining the kids (Jeremiah!) during the liturgy session.

Mass later with Alison, then lunch with family before coming back to school. Helped to set up the stations for hostel games, then the games started and Jerdine and I decided to help Ms Wee record the scores so we didn’t have to play. Oh ya, the tv room on the ground floor actually has carrom! I like carrom, but the board in hostel isn’t smooth enough.

Almost time to sleep! Math quiz tomorrow, I haven’t really studied but heck! I think it’s either I can do it or I can’t. Straightforward :D

 

Hi I’m back home and I like this feeling :D I shall blog properly about the last few days when I get back to hsotel tomorrow :D

 

It’s hard being left behind,

it’s hard being the one who stays.

I spent so much time in the games room today I actually felt like some delinquent who just spends all day playing D:

Today I realised someone who is not worth standing by. Because this person hasn’t learnt to appreciate my concern properly, because I’m better off caring for another hundred strangers with a little concern for each person than putting all my effort talking to this person. I could make many more people happy. Maybe if you realise tomorrow, or someday, I might just retract these words.

Moving on from something isn’t easy, but don’t we all have to do it some time or another? Believing in oneself is the best protection one can have against the uncertainties and cruelties of the world.

Chem lesson today was short. We built lots of models. I quite like combined math lessons. I shall go sleep now cos I’m upset over something which is not worth it but heck it will all go away tomorrow :D

 

My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.

ACE today was one hour spent on goal setting. I think I want to be a doctor. I have no idea why but I wanted to since young. And I also know for sure that I want to be a gynae-obstetrician. Till now this has been the only quite fixed ambition I’ve had.

But along the way, so many options have been coming up, some good, some just impractical. Right now I have no clear idea where I want to go yet. I have no idea if medicine is even what I really want. I want to be a doctor, but I don’t really like organic chem right now. I think it’s so troublesome to go through all these thinking.

Math was combined session. I think lessons in the theatrette would be better if they give us bigger tables. Played fooseball and pool with Tang. We are very bad at pool cos we just anyhow play since we don’t know how to play properly and there was no one there so no need to care about our face :D

Played more fooseball after that with Jerdine and Nelson, then met Ms Fong but it’s postponed to friday instead. HAHAHA Jiayi, the presentation postponed to next friday so means you can go on stage with us! :P Back in room now, watching hms. I’m like don’t know how many episodes behind cos I started watching late. Have till 9.30pm tonight to do whatever I want :D

 

Just shut up and tell me I mean something to you,

Today's like a day when lots of realizations hit me.

Just came back from games room after fire drill! I’m getting better at fooseball and so are Jerdine and Nelson! :D

Today we had 2 hours of phys prac and 2 hours of bio. I think phys prac is quite fun but really don’t need to think much one. Just that the answering the questions part needs abit of brain, but other than that it’s fun playing with all the stuff. But the DMM got problem, doesn’t give correct results for alot of us.

Bio was fine, ended early. Discussed phys and chem for awhile then lunch! After that we came back to play fooseball and Cheryl joined us. Played for super long and then it was time for PE. Ran 3 rounds and did lots of training for our arms. My running sucks. And next week onwards we’re going to have time trials for 1.6km.

Went to WCP after PE and then back to hostel for dinner. Then we played fooseball yet again until study time and we didn’t return the ball cos we didn’t want to get into trouble for being late. Bathed and completed phys during study time, how efficient! :D Then went down to play fooseball and the fire alarm rang but there was no announcement so we almost missed it, until I-forgot-who knocked on the window and told us the alarm is a drill. Luckily we were in the games room or we would have had to climb 12 storeys down ahaha. 15minutes of fooseball after fire drill and now it’s time to sleep! :D

 

Should I drop medchem?

I really cannot stand chem and english lessons now D:

 

Damn girl, dry your eyes.

My mind’s pretty much in a mess right now.

Had some sort of argument with my parents, or rather they just saying me this and that. But really, nothing I’ve done is really intentional. I mean, yes, I do have my dissatisfactions at times, sometimes even really over-the-top ones. But I just don’t like to say what I think when I know something will happen if I do. Anyhow, I hope everything’s fine at home, that my sis will not have to bear any consequences of the quarrel. Sorry, I know there’s quite alot of wrong on my part.

Anyway, today’s really been a day with lots of ups and downs, and lots of emotions :|

Childlit in the morning. Alison and Nicole went too. Haha quite happy for them, cos their O’s results really not bad leh! Especially Alison, congrats! And finally got to catch up with Nicole after such a long time. Childlit was great! Lots of new sec 3s and 4s attachments, means next week onwards we “seniors” don’t need to do much anymore hahaha. For this half of the year at least :D Haha it’s just great having so many people helping out and praying together in a huge circle. Jeremiah’s grown up already. He’s damn tanned and looks more boyish than cute now. But still as playful as before haha.

Went to Woodlands to have lunch with my family at Soup Restaurant. I don’t really like that place now anymore. It used to be better. After that I went to SYFC. I’m starting to like making R/T calls hahaaha it’s quite fun!

Ah shit I can feel the tears ): Sorry, next time will be better.

 

Always thinking of the things unsaid, and said.

I had twelve hours of sleep yesterday night! :D And I feel very refreshed but I have lots of stuff on hand.

Yesterday was a very short day. I almost fell asleep during english. Then there was a break, and I helped Tang stick the stickers on JBAC’s plasters. Then after math I went back to hostel and just slacked and used the comp after attempting one question of math assgmt.

Medchem briefing. I think Mr Murali is quite funny. But omg I can’t stand the teacher’s accent and the way she speaks english. Might be dropping the module to make more time for myself to do more things. Plus, it’s organic chem and my current impression of organic chem is not that good yet. See how la.

Played fooseball. I won Jonathan one-vs-one! :D But fine la, yesterday I was really very lucky. Then we went to cca fair. At the end of it, me Jerdine Whaipeng helped art club peel off the tape. And I went home with my sis Sharmila and Hilda. Reached home super late, just ate bathed then tried to revise for flying but fell asleep D:

Today I woke up at 10am, and I’ve managed to complete math assgmt 1 which is due next friday :D :D And I’ve  done whatever I can do for chem tutorial and I’ve completed the mindmap for bio although mine’s really simple with no details at all. I think I should do all my homework during weekends so during weekdays I can sleep earlier (though it’s after roll call) and also cos in hostel it’s not as easy to concentrate on homework I don’t know why.

I shall spend the rest of the day studying for tmr’s flight! Maybe tonight if can I want to exercise.

Sometimes some people really talk alot of nonsense to everyone. I don’t know if that makes you happier, but don’t you think telling the truth and just that single story is much easier for yourself and everyone else instead of telling everyone a different story?

We all want our answers in life. But sometimes the answers lie not with ourselves but with someone else. It’s either we wait for the answers or we open our mouths to ask. I don’t like how the tendency is for us to wait.

 

I try to take life one day at a time,

but sometimes, like today, a few days attack me all at once.

!

I hate chem lessons. I think attending chem lessons make me tired and confused. I’m considering dropping medchem. Will see how tomorrow’s lesson goes first.

Math is quite fun. It’s probably the only subject with more enjoyable lessons for now. I’m okay with bio though.

Played fooseball with Jerdine Nelson and Mariel after school cos the security guard didn’t allow us to go out of school before 1pm and even the hostel side gate wasn’t open. So we played a few rounds, then we went for lunch at clementi. I left earlier to go to SYFC.

Today’s flight was cool. Didn’t manage to do stalling cos of the strong winds and heavy rain. But still can take off. Just that after that the rain got super heavy and there was too much cloud cover so everyone had to land. And for some reason today’s 4th wave had like 6 or 7 planes. And everyone was waiting to land. Did 3 circuits though. It’s quite fun cos of the wind and rain, but the plane very hard to control, keep tilting here and there! So today was DNCO and I have 2 more major flights to do!

Met my dad at clementi and had dinner with him before coming back to hostel. Today’s hostel dinner is awful, I didn’t really touch the packed dinner. Just sat and talked downstairs then came up for roll call and bathed and I’m gonna sleep soon! I was doing math tutorial but I realize that I have an hour free period before math tomorrow to do it.

I hope cca fair tomorrow will be bearable.

Hostel life makes me lack my much-needed sleep. I want my weekends, I want my bed, and I want my 12hours of sleep.

Tomorrow I will know. We will all know.